Friends (not) 4 Sale

When did friendships lose their value?
I remember when having a best friend meant you had a life partner, a partner in crime, a personal therapist, your own shoulder to cry on, your own bodyguard.
I do not know for sure what happened, though I wish I did,
because at one point I had many friends, tons of friendly faces.
I cannot recall giving them away, putting them up for sale.
So where are you guys now?
What happened?
I could blame myself for not buying them better birthday gifts, for not fighting harder for them when they carelessly got into trouble, or for not writing them more personalized, more in-depth letters.
I could blame myself, but I won’t.
I could blame them for not texting more often, not making sure I was okay, or for getting me into trouble I wasn’t aware had even begun.
I could blame anyone, but I won’t.
Sometimes it’s not the person who decides they’re going to change. Sometimes society pushes you to make life-changing decisions.
Maybe you’re going to ignore the only person who cared for you and included you when no one did.
Perhaps you will take interest in your friend’s ex with concern only for your love life and not your friend’s feelings.
You could also just disappear.
I am the utmost familiar with just watching people fade out of my life.
They’re there for you, each and every day. You hug every morning, catch each other up on the latest happenings, and binge eat pretzels and snort and laugh until you both have to pee.
Everything seems fine at some point, and it is at this very point where you would least expect to lose them. It is when everything seems good and wholesome that it begins to turn sour.
Because now, there are more “friends” in the mix than there were originally. Now, there are more stories to tell, more pretzels to buy, less time for everyone to speak, and somebody else’s drama has become OUR own.
I’ve never had a problem with making new friends, or adding to the group, but to quietly sit and watch someone you once did not know even existed swoop in and change everything…slowly, steadily you start to feel more and more like your place could have been filled by anyone had you not stumbled upon the person you deemed your “best friend”.
I used to be so trusting. If I considered you a friend, I would take your side, defend your stance, fight your battles, and believe any tall tale you told me if you simply looked me in the eyes and told me it was true.
Maybe I was so trusting because I didn’t know how temporary and flaky people and relationships in general are.
I used to think that words, once spoken, were written in stone; promises could not be broken and vows could not be reversed.
But you and I both know that isn’t true. Promises are broken every day.
Riddle me this:
How is it possible for you to love a person, friend, family, lover, and give them every last ounce of strength and compassion, pour your secrets out to them, make plans, plot your future together, and then have everything become meaningless and distant over the stupidest things.
How does something so seemingly powerful have a weakness so subtle?
We all need friends. It is said we need social interaction to survive. We need constant reminders that what we’re going through isn’t so unique as to where we are the only ones who know how painful it is. We need silent hugs just as a sense of security.
Imagine never having someone to open up to?
But anyone who has ever lost a close friend will more than likely know just how risky ‘opening up’ can be.
If you rely on a human being to hold what only your mind once did, you give them the ability to share them with others just as you had with them. We share because we trust.
When a friendship ends, they take your memories, your secrets, and your trust. At least that is how I think of it.
You lose your trust in someone because they’ve walked out with it. Or maybe they’ve thrown it away as it no longer has value to them. And of course, you would believe you had just misplaced that trust. Little did you know…
Maybe… that’s what they’ve done with your relationship: they’ve thrown it away. It no longer means anything.
It hurts a lot actually to watch a good thing fade and not know why. To not notice how distant something is until it becomes hard to see, feel, or relate to any more, until it becomes too late to save.
But friends will come and go. Those who are true will make time for you, check up on you, and share with you.
Want to get intense?
True friends pursue true actions. But truth can change as facts change. What once was a bridge can become ash. If truth can change, who’s to say the truth cannot become something painful? The truth can hurt. Pain has been logged as the leading motive for some of the world’s most heinous pursuits. People suffer from so much pain they go berserk.
We question why it is that people today are “psycho”, out of control, repulsive. We play a major role in the answer to such a mystery that isn’t really a mystery at all.
We screw each other over. We break each other’s hearts. We ruin and break one another bit by bit until we’ve lost everything, our sanity included.


5 Comments Add yours

  1. True friends can’t be swayed by others, they don’t lose interest, they don’t “change”, and they don’t walk away. And that’s the same whether you’re 15 or 50. 😉 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. jilldennison says:

    Ahhhh … one of life’s great mysteries is the dynamic nature of human inter-relationships. Sometimes people simply grow apart, take different paths in life or their interests veer away from one another. But I believe, also, that sometimes it is in how broadly we define the word ‘friend’. In our world today, with the virtual world of relationships on social media, I think we tend to think of everyone as a ‘friend’. Personally, I value a few close friendships, and the rest are a more casual relationship. And that is my two cents worth … 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You’re definitely right…it would depend on the individual’s definition of ‘friend’. I think as I get older mine is changing. And your two cents is some of the most valuable I get the pleasure of “spending” (lame play on words), but thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Most definitely true. 👍🏽

    Liked by 1 person

  5. jilldennison says:

    Well thank you! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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