“Life happens when you’re busy planning other things. And love finds you when you least expect it.” – My Dad
I think it was the countless romance movies and novels I exposed myself to or the conflicting “love” I saw daily at school and family functions. Whatever it was, I had convinced myself that I had to find someone to love me NOW, TODAY, SOON.
People began investing themselves in my life to an extent where they had made advanced observations.
One person contacted me one on one to tell me I’m not appreciating the love provided to me by my parents and brothers and that I crave everyone else’s attention more than I should.
I refuse to lie… I went off on them, but that doesn’t mean I was so out of control I completely ignored their theory.
I’m not afraid to talk about how I’ve had crushes, how I wanted to be the envy of everyone at school. I was around the ages of 13-14. I think that’s a rough time for a lot of individuals.
Everything that person said had some value. I didn’t let it deteriorate my self-worth or pride, but I did let it sink in enough to realize it was true: I wanted attention and I wasn’t entirely appreciating the love I was already being given.
At 15, my current age, I feel like I’m nearly an adult (hahaha, what?), and I admire all the responsibilities that come with aging (hahaha hahaha, WHAT?!). I want to have a job, drive myself to and fro, open the door to my own apartment, and be the provider of my own needs. I understand there’s no rush to reach this stage, but that doesn’t mean I can’t simultaneously yearn for something while appreciating what I already have.
I have a family that has gone above and beyond for me; supporting my blog, my brand, my ever-changing hobbies, my career choices, and my demanding, female, teenaged wants and needs.
Recently, I deleted a literal 90% of boys from my social media, clearly and professionally ended negative relationships with people in my life that I felt were mandatory to restrain from being drowned by unnecessary anchors, and I refocused myself on whom and what was important to me.
Some people stress over grades because their parents pour gallons of crap about it in their ears on a daily; we’re pressured to believe that high numbers and letter grades determine who we are and what we’re capable of. Some of us haven’t found that one thing that keeps us afloat yet, and that’s okay too.
We forget that everyone’s lives come with different problems at different times with different people at different intensities. We want and need certain things, at certain times, in specific quantities.
I just want others outside of myself to comprehend something:
I wanted to be adored by someone outside of my family because I felt like no matter what I did, said, wanted to be, etc. they were going to love me. Not because they had to, but because they would feel guilty to not love their own blood.
I wanted validation that my features and my personality were something that could be loved by choice and selection and not by force.
I wanted a version of love that family can’t give to you. An intimate relationship varies drastically from a family bond.
But, at the end of the day, I came to realize love is love regardless of whom you’re getting it from. I know first hand how tempting it is to crave a love coming from an outside source, but I’ve never trusted anyone more than when my dad told me that love will come unexpectedly. Someone will see you, hear you preach about something you’re passionate about, see your work, or grow to love you after being forced into a lengthy activity together. You may meet in the 8th grade, at a coffee shop tomorrow, during a Communication Studies class your freshman year of college, or at a meeting 10 years from now.
Yes, people meet on dating apps and blind dates, but love has been found in the most unexpected places – it happens every day.
I think everyone we meet before we meet “the one” is intended to teach us a lesson or two. Whether you be the one making the mistakes, or the one being mistreated, we all learn something. You carry the experience and knowledge and emotion on with you to do better the next time around. Movies and books do a fairly stable job of teaching us things of this sort too. We watch people get cheated on, lose their spark, become too “busy” for one another, grow apart due to changing interests and desires. We watch psychos stalk their partners and become intensely obsessed with them and even murder them, players two-time different people and lead double lives, and we’ve seen the “perfect” partner turn out to be some twisted freak who kills the kids and takes their loved one away from their family and friends, locked up in some foreign country without a trace.
Sooo, yeah. We learn a lot through personal experience and the magic of theater and literature.
I love the idea of refusing to have regrets. Everything we do, every incident we’ve endured, everyone we’ve endured them with…it all happened for a reason.
I know some things can be extremely painful physically, mentally, psychologically, and even spiritually to where it seems like there is absolutely no lesson to be learned, but once you reach a point of stability and find a state of mind clear enough to dissect the situation, you will always find some lesson to be learned that can be shared with others.
Learn from my mistakes as well as your own. Get out there and live your life the way YOU wish to live it, and that love you’re praying so hard for will surely find you when the time is right.