Lately, I have lost my fear of the things I would usually tremble over. Do you know that feeling of angering or disappointing your parents, how you form that lump in your throat, your pain of hunger, thirst, or whatever it is you yearn for manages to vanish into thin air as guilt takes its place?
I’ve lost that.
The other day, very recently, in fact, I was confronted by my parents for committing an unhonorable act that I had long forgotten and had already beat myself up over. The incident is one I hope to cover with you all in the future, but it is all a little too fresh now for me to even begin to relive it.
The point was I wasn’t scared. I cried because of how the act made my parents feel, but I was not frightened at the sharp pitch in my mother’s shaky voice, the stern tone of my father’s authoritative character or the consequence I was sure was upon me.
What does it mean to lose your fear of something that once sucked the very whites out of your eyes, that burned a hole through your chest, and pushed your lungs into the confined cylinder that is your throat?
Fear is a rather common force that limits much of our actions. It’s that voice that tells you not to do the terrible thing you’re thinking of doing because the consequences are nowhere near worth the efforts. Without fear, death by stupidity and free will would be a much more common phenomenon.
If I feel as though I am losing the force of fear, does this imply that I am drifting from the path of righteousness or am I becoming bolder in a way that can not be labeled as right or wrong?
Those who are liberated from fear more often than not have the tendency to do both right and wrong without the slightest thought of consequence. I just thought this concept was rather abstract, yet something worthy of sharing.
If fear is as powerful as I am giving it credit for being, then my loss of it will drastically remold who I am in the years to come.
I suppose the purpose of this was to prepare the world for the new form that is to replace the writer you are used to; the lovey dovey, hopeless romantic who puts a tad too much thought into what others are whispering about and who couldn’t do what was right to save her own life because fear holds her back.
I am slightly, yet notably liberated from the fetters of fear.
I am not intentionally bragging that this is either going to be a positive or negative change. I come in a fairly neutral state with similar levels of anticipation as those who read this, waiting to see what becomes of me now that I no longer fear much of what I used to.
If this situation appears all too familiar, please share the experience in which you familiarize with below. Thank you.
Please restrain from asking what “unhonorable” thing I did. I will not be sharing some aspects of my personal life if I do not feel fit to do so. In the future, I will explain.