I am subscribed to quite a few female YouTubers who do a number of things on their channels. Story times are a very popular segment done on YouTube, and I recently watched HeyParis tell two very important stories, a story about how her ex physically threatened her with death and a story on how her abusive ex attempted to reenter her life after becoming her fan on YouTube. This got me thinking about how a lot of kids my age, and even younger, are now dating. I thought it would be important to share a few stories (linked above), and give a few hints as to when a relationship may be toxic. If you are noticing any signs of abusive, obsessive, or controlling behavior, leave the relationship immediately.
- Very controlling, demanding behavior. Must be center of attention
- Pushing, choking, hitting, excessive name calling, breaking your things, every little thing makes them angry
- verbally threatening you
- showing up wherever you are without notice
- not leaving when asked, not stopping (touching you, seeing you, etc.) when asked
- extremely jealous resulting in isolating you from work, family, friends, etc.
- gets angry if you show signs of independence or strength
- calls you stupid, crazy, etc. to make everything seem like your fault
- makes a lot of broken promise, lies, deceives
- sexually forces you to do things you did not agree to
These are signs not only of an abusive relationship, but also a simply unhealthy one. If they don’t put hands on you, but still verbally abuse you, make broken promises, lie to you, make you feel unsafe, control a majority of your daily actions, restrict you from seeing certain people, etc. then the relationship is still extremely vile. Women are more commonly abused in a relationship, but men are definitely victims of domestic violence, and everyone should look out for these signs.
A healthy relationship is one in which the decisions made are mutual and good for everyone. You should both be able to visit family, continue work, wear what you want, etc. Of course if one partner does not agree with your outfit choice, or the way a friend acts with you, it would be wise to sit down and come to an agreement to resolve the issue. If someone resorts to violence or instant anger, this person is not ready for a healthy relationship. Understanding, loyalty, honesty, consent and genuine love are key to a beneficial and successful relationship between any two people. If your partner makes you feel sad, angry, scared, threatened, or presses negative emotional hurt on you often, that is also a very clear sign that this person is unprepared to continue this relationship.
No woman has the right to hit a man, especially if she does not want to be hit back. No man has the right to put hands on a woman. No man has the right to put hands on their male partner, and no female has the right to hit her female partner. You can be in a long term relationship, but consent never grows old. If you do not wish to be called a certain name or touched a certain way, then it should not continue to happen. If someone LOVES you, they will not hurt you in any way, shape or form. Don’t lie to yourself and say he’s hitting you because he cares. Don’t convince yourself that she got rid of all your friends because she just wants to spend more time with you. Love is making sure the other person is happy and safe at all times. Nothing less.
Get out of any abusive or unhealthy relationship, and get help if you cannot do so on your own.