Sometimes when you enjoy doing something, being something, and/or experiencing something to the point where you start to feel this overpowering pride. This pride puts this idea in your mind that you’re superior on this subject…if this makes any sense.
For example, I love to write, and because I do it so often and dedicate a lot of time into it, I feel like I’m a professional. This is respectable at times because it can be a real confidence booster, but other times when you think you’re better at something than you actually are, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
The other day I was told to complete an essay. I felt confident in my vocabulary, grammar, and content. Soon after, I received a score for my work and to my dismay, I was awarded a D. My heart rose to my throat and my breathing seemed to cease; my heart then sunk and deteriorated in the incredible acids of my stomach. This was of course not the first time I experienced such a failure, but it was one of the few times I was knocked down from this pedestal that I had placed my “talents” on.
I use a program called Jupiter Ed; this is where my grades are displayed, or in other words, violently hung. This is where I discovered the dreaded D that was stinking up the cupboard. My teacher left a comment that began to rebuild my acid-burnt heart, “limited in-text citations.” This left me wondering if this was the real reason why 10 points were deducted off my work. I want to believe that it was and that my writing is really at the level I imagine it’s at. If it’s not, then, of course, I have to continue improving.
The message here is that it’s a miraculous feeling when pure confidence surges through your body, but it’s a soul-crushing one when “failure” defies your expectations. If you feel you’re good at something, who holds like God-like power to disagree? Good is a word of opinion and there is nothing that can disprove how you feel, especially about yourself. Failure will occur on a daily, and it will be taken in different dosages. It causes depression at times, and sometimes it just injects us with a numbness. Whether you experience one of these or something in between, failure is still just a flaw we all have. It is something we can rarely control, if at all.
Don’t let mistakes take over, eat at you, or destroy you. One day it seems like the end of your world, and the next day it’s just a light flickering off and on, barely memorable, faintly even noticeable.
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